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Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

by DrugDeal / 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

by .... / 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

by KidCudi227 / 07/19/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

by bpruitt95 / 12/31/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

by Username / 05/09/2011 at 3:38am / Transportation

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

by Cathy / 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm / United States / Animals

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

by asausa / 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.