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Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

by CancerFdMyLife / 09/26/2013 at 9:50am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

by MoncaBang / 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 3:10am / Indonesia (Jawa Timur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

by ewwww / 04/06/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

by ppp / 09/14/2011 at 12:12am / United States / Love

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

by foxyreegan / 02/04/2012 at 12:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2013 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2009 at 9:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

by inchetogb / 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

by Nucleus / 10/08/2015 at 9:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Health

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

by Weter / 01/30/2009 at 6:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work