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Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

#21480502
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25532) - you deserved it (3198)

On 10/15/2015 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by GiveADogABone - United States

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

#21374972
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (3198)

On 03/15/2015 at 10:57am - health - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50m down the street so that I would be confused when I come out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

#5547295
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40158) - you deserved it (3197)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (3197)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37738) - you deserved it (3197)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

#6646444
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/07/2009 at 3:54am - animals - by SeeMeInTheDark (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

#6836153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26616) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by chrono64 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

#19138227
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26252) - you deserved it (3197)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:53am - misc - by Whoopsie - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

#20893446
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41678) - you deserved it (3197)

On 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by latter - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

#21011264
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40208) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

#20980172
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44206) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:50am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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