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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

#18550931
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29373) - you deserved it (2376)

On 12/19/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38519) - you deserved it (2376)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

#7073820
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31944) - you deserved it (2375)

On 01/01/2010 at 2:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

#18612285
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28272) - you deserved it (2375)

On 12/25/2011 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25551) - you deserved it (2375)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36974) - you deserved it (2374)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

#12866112
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35237) - you deserved it (2374)

On 09/02/2010 at 3:25am - health - by coyote - Japan

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

#13948319
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30767) - you deserved it (2374)

On 11/23/2010 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

#18182410
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32419) - you deserved it (2374)

On 11/07/2011 at 7:13am - misc - by maf811 - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19714) - you deserved it (2374)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (2373)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

#18490910
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24394) - you deserved it (2373)

On 12/12/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by tishihish - United States

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

#19319680
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18263) - you deserved it (2373)

On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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