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Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

#16838939
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42178) - you deserved it (3041)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:58pm - misc - by John - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

#17394745
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21977) - you deserved it (3041)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by fugachumi - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

#19299225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30817) - you deserved it (3041)

On 03/18/2012 at 7:06am - work - by Alli.M - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

#18891516
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25728) - you deserved it (3041)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48975) - you deserved it (3040)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

#8741941
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23492) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:30am - animals - by mav3rick91 (man) - United States (California)

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (3040)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

#9183586
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/18/2010 at 9:49am - love - by anon17 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

#20078726
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20831) - you deserved it (3040)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by Burntintomyretinas - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

#21348311
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34453) - you deserved it (3040)

On 02/02/2015 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

#3676766
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47821) - you deserved it (3039)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:19pm - love - by blind_loser (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

#8767827
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32823) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/02/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by Celeste - Singapore

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

#14251637
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (3039)

On 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Dopeboyfresh71 - United States (Pennsylvania)



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