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Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

by scared / 10/02/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

by lonesome / 04/28/2013 at 1:23am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm / Romania (Buzau) / Miscellaneous

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

by BrewPack / 07/13/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

by notyourfriend / 09/08/2014 at 9:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2015 at 8:45am / United States / Love

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

by blah / 01/19/2016 at 3:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

by mommyopps / 03/25/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

by uglyone / 01/13/2010 at 9:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:49am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous