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Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

by fmll / 12/17/2011 at 8:17am / Norway (Hordaland) / Love

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 1:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2014 at 3:23pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Work

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

by sexyredhead / 02/14/2011 at 1:14pm / United States / Love

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2011 at 4:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Animals

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

by Mary / 12/16/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I confronted my husband about a pair of panties I found in his office. They're his. He put them on to show me that they fit. FML

by Xandriajoy10 / 01/30/2016 at 10:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 11:01am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 12:04am / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2015 at 6:16am / India / Love