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Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (2892)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

#21225316
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34059) - you deserved it (2892)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

#869679
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74995) - you deserved it (2891)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by daremetobecooler - United States (New York)

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

#19522114
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38718) - you deserved it (2891)

On 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

#20578406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45805) - you deserved it (2891)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (2891)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML

#13222
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48543) - you deserved it (2890)

On 02/07/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by princesspea (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

#6922961
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23520) - you deserved it (2890)

On 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

#14734068
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32016) - you deserved it (2890)

On 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm - love - by Azure_Mist (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML

#17232023
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26029) - you deserved it (2890)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by Norah (woman) - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

#17411928
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27002) - you deserved it (2889)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:01pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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