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Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

by haha / 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 8:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

by Nose Numb / 11/30/2014 at 3:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

by Armstrong / 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

by marriedwithfamily / 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 7:29pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

by sexyredhead / 02/14/2011 at 1:14pm / United States / Love

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States / Work

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

by save the koalas? uhh / 04/08/2013 at 10:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

by still on hol / 12/27/2014 at 5:12am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Geek

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

by joxerthemighty39 / 01/31/2011 at 10:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids