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Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

#19965581
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29400) - you deserved it (2848)

On 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm - misc - by divorce? i think so (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

#20413058
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33594) - you deserved it (2848)

On 12/22/2012 at 3:06am - work - by Iknoweverything (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

#20458013
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34578) - you deserved it (2848)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm - misc - by PeeFlavouredFloss (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31780) - you deserved it (2848)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

#21320043
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33372) - you deserved it (2848)

On 12/18/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by ai_lauren (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

#7312861
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you deserved it (2847)

On 01/13/2010 at 12:29am - kids - by bern5555 (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went to the doctor for an infection from where a cat bit me while I was sleeping. Where that cat came from and how it got into my bedroom I will never know. FML

#15291539
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31751) - you deserved it (2847)

On 03/13/2011 at 9:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

#18109822
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27662) - you deserved it (2847)

On 10/30/2011 at 7:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48151) - you deserved it (2847)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

#19299225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (2847)

On 03/18/2012 at 7:06am - work - by Alli.M - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27211) - you deserved it (2847)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67564) - you deserved it (2846)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)



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