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Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

by KieRendan / 05/25/2012 at 3:59pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

by fucking mafia or what?? / 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm / Work

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

by PrinceOfBritain / 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

by TheVengefulGeek / 09/13/2015 at 5:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

by welp / 10/28/2015 at 12:11am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2009 at 7:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

by zlotytarasy / 10/14/2009 at 6:03pm / Poland (Warszawa) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

by Zephyric / 02/02/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

by me / 01/16/2011 at 1:50am / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I was supposed to get married but we had to postpone as the best man fled the country. With the marriage certificate and vendor money. Not to mention the rings. FML

by princesspuffypan / 10/05/2011 at 2:23am / South Africa / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

by notpayedenoughforthisshit / 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work