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Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 8:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

by dadisgoatboy / 06/11/2011 at 2:37am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Intimacy

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

by baby, baby no / 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

by PuppyPeeTimee. / 09/17/2010 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Animals

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 2:49am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

by so romantic / 11/12/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

by CrazyBitch / 04/04/2013 at 4:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

by callalilley / 04/10/2015 at 12:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

by frankie / 01/18/2009 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

by arekusa / 06/22/2011 at 11:00pm / United States (New York) / Love