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Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

#18093315
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30552) - you deserved it (2581)

On 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

#19796347
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31078) - you deserved it (2581)

On 06/16/2012 at 9:57am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

#19999762
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29456) - you deserved it (2581)

On 08/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by SingleAgain (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38824) - you deserved it (2581)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

#5252431
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41299) - you deserved it (2580)

On 09/14/2009 at 3:28pm - love - by thisistypical (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

#15869233
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27856) - you deserved it (2580)

On 04/21/2011 at 1:27am - work - by Forgetable (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

#17578977
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35833) - you deserved it (2580)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

#20186585
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25731) - you deserved it (2580)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

#20464379
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2580)

On 01/17/2013 at 11:57am - work - by lifebecrazed (woman) -

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48473) - you deserved it (2579)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out I asked him about it. He replied. "Don't worry babe, she is perfect and way too good for me". FML

#6267510
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (2579)

On 11/12/2009 at 12:09am - love - by Kittykatkrunch (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

#15923303
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32389) - you deserved it (2579)

On 04/25/2011 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

#16464614
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33278) - you deserved it (2579)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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