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Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50204) - you deserved it (3302)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34004) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39581) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

#20810887
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57161) - you deserved it (3302)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:09am - money - by brokeandalone (woman) - United States

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

#21512451
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28394) - you deserved it (3302)

On 01/07/2016 at 7:00am - intimacy - by anne (woman) - Germany

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

#20194899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25372) - you deserved it (3301)

On 12/07/2012 at 7:39am - love - by First Kiss - Australia (Victoria)

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37112) - you deserved it (3301)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

#20626789
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47816) - you deserved it (3301)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by lonesome - Canada

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34300) - you deserved it (3301)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

#21225316
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37190) - you deserved it (3301)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML

#21319606
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (3301)

On 12/18/2014 at 7:11am - misc - by subversivepanda (woman) - Guam

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

#21379225
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29326) - you deserved it (3301)

On 03/22/2015 at 12:03am - health - by noway - United States (California)



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