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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

#17066574
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32264) - you deserved it (2770)

On 07/11/2011 at 1:42pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
114 comments

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

#18445536
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (2770)

On 12/06/2011 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

#21307273
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28338) - you deserved it (2770)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by mainlineloser (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

#17639388
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28363) - you deserved it (2769)

On 09/01/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Starving Ultimatum (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

#18738638
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29235) - you deserved it (2769)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:33pm - health - by tictacnose - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

#20013231
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20663) - you deserved it (2769)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:57am - misc - by blink_kid - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

#18614469
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23013) - you deserved it (2769)

On 12/26/2011 at 7:11am - love - by SoccerBabe42 (woman) - Canada

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34342) - you deserved it (2769)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28364) - you deserved it (2769)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (2769)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38095) - you deserved it (2769)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

#6926336
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (2768)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:37pm - love - by hoplessG (man) - United States



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  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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