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Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

#5438718
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40250) - you deserved it (2869)

On 09/23/2009 at 10:47pm - love - by Spatch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

#13518841
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36656) - you deserved it (2869)

On 10/19/2010 at 11:05pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

#16745803
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26539) - you deserved it (2869)

On 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm - misc - by sabadaba - United States (Arizona)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37404) - you deserved it (2869)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

#5851375
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39798) - you deserved it (2868)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:33pm - animals - by syn1734 - United States

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

#12924795
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (2868)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:01pm - work - by christiner - Sent from mobile version

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42144) - you deserved it (2868)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

#5482819
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32776) - you deserved it (2867)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

#4478482
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42944) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

#12599218
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25903) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/18/2010 at 2:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

#17817952
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29689) - you deserved it (2867)

On 09/24/2011 at 1:20am - love - by astocks - United States (New York)

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

#17018036
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27307) - you deserved it (2867)

On 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by AgentFreshers (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34046) - you deserved it (2867)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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