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Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

by verycherryfucked / 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

by Falling off the wagon / 11/09/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

by notmine / 04/19/2014 at 10:39pm / India (Delhi) / Work

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

by Lililaloose / 12/23/2008 at 11:11pm / Love

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 6:02am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

by stonesober / 12/30/2009 at 8:32pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

by biblewanker / 12/17/2010 at 11:05am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

by micheal / 06/21/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Work

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

by JillianJuneBug / 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

by lonely / 04/04/2011 at 6:15am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love