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Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43576) - you deserved it (3149)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43866) - you deserved it (3149)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

#21138754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38419) - you deserved it (3149)

On 05/13/2014 at 3:23pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

#8397954
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27626) - you deserved it (3148)

On 02/18/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Lizzielollipop816 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

#16622108
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56729) - you deserved it (3148)

On 06/12/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

#18224310
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39563) - you deserved it (3148)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:06am - love - by so romantic - United States (Texas)

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

#453
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23003) - you deserved it (3147)

On 12/05/2008 at 7:49am - work - by Macdaddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

#6309781
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44631) - you deserved it (3147)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:51am - love - by irishbitch (woman) -

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

#13041055
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25092) - you deserved it (3147)

On 09/13/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by IHateMyJob - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

#18671764
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37279) - you deserved it (3147)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by tooearly (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37179) - you deserved it (3147)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

#20632758
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48264) - you deserved it (3147)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38058) - you deserved it (3147)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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