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Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

by gutted / 04/21/2011 at 4:33am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

by Xpresss / 02/02/2009 at 5:39am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

by stonesober / 12/30/2009 at 8:32pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

by micheal / 06/21/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Work

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

by pretty_coin / 10/22/2011 at 9:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

by SadPuppy / 05/22/2013 at 3:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

by Falling off the wagon / 11/09/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

by Lililaloose / 12/23/2008 at 11:11pm / Love

Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

by Unreality / 01/26/2011 at 4:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

by lonely / 04/04/2011 at 6:15am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

by Username / 06/06/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Transportation

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Kids