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Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

#21312082
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29523) - you deserved it (3062)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

#13801774
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (3061)

On 11/11/2010 at 1:02pm - animals - by jordanss - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30033) - you deserved it (3061)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

#18070183
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28212) - you deserved it (3061)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38664) - you deserved it (3061)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26208) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

#6646444
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28618) - you deserved it (3060)

On 12/07/2009 at 3:54am - animals - by SeeMeInTheDark (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

#9037311
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (3060)

On 03/13/2010 at 12:18am - animals - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

#18164044
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32506) - you deserved it (3060)

On 11/05/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by shamed - United Kingdom

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

#19078471
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28554) - you deserved it (3060)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by kittens go meow - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

#20516690
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23629) - you deserved it (3060)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:21pm - health - by NewDrugs (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34261) - you deserved it (3060)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

#21265006
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32136) - you deserved it (3060)

On 09/25/2014 at 7:19am - misc - by hylianprincess (woman) - United States



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