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Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34736) - you deserved it (2931)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

#7477467
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (2931)

On 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm - kids - by nocatlover (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

#8767827
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31390) - you deserved it (2932)

On 03/02/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by Celeste - Singapore

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

#16365473
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (2931)

On 05/26/2011 at 11:05pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

#17145541
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (2931)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:00am - work - by sfabsits - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

#21283844
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35840) - you deserved it (2931)

On 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Alexismaria - United States

Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML

#5229708
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49463) - you deserved it (2930)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:19pm - kids - by BigSister (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

#7720142
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31006) - you deserved it (2930)

On 01/30/2010 at 8:35pm - love - by WishesWasDeaf (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

#16608434
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40873) - you deserved it (2930)

On 06/11/2011 at 9:06am - health - by sickbaby (woman) - Singapore

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37760) - you deserved it (2930)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

#19391692
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (2930)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

#21317874
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (2930)

On 12/15/2014 at 11:07am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

#19334312
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21242) - you deserved it (2929)

On 03/23/2012 at 7:10pm - health - by Zak (man) - United States



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