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Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

by ladytyy / 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

by tooembarassed / 02/03/2012 at 3:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

by tay / 04/10/2012 at 7:13am / Australia / Animals

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

by rotezora / 09/02/2012 at 8:44am / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

by KathleenSchuler / 03/04/2013 at 10:38pm / United States / Work

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

by pickuptruckblues / 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

by klv8 / 02/07/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

by birdbath / 11/08/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

by carolinagirl / 04/04/2011 at 12:23pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 6:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

by tammy / 06/27/2012 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Love