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Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

by nobieb / 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

by has-evil-friends / 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

by rb / 05/01/2011 at 2:02am / United States / Animals

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

by ouchies / 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Health

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

by Nice 2 inch / 06/27/2011 at 8:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

by Imgonnahaveabf / 01/05/2012 at 7:06am / United States / Animals

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

Today, I threw out my back while trying to put together my new ergonomic chair, which was supposed to help my bad back. FML

by ShenaniganNinja / 11/06/2014 at 5:11pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

by Zach / 04/20/2015 at 10:42pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous by that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

by it's awkward / 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

by herpderp / 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2014 at 2:20pm / Ireland (Galway) / Love