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Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

by ugly / 06/11/2012 at 8:01am / Australia / Love

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

by Shame / 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

by gali-ma / 02/07/2015 at 7:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

by njh / 03/27/2015 at 9:29am / Ireland / Kids

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

by wonder woman / 09/08/2012 at 12:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

by Wronged / 09/21/2009 at 6:53am / Singapore / Love

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

by HM / 04/06/2011 at 1:28pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

by sadbride / 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm / Bahamas (New Providence) / Miscellaneous

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 7:43am / United States (California) / Work