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Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30438) - you deserved it (2681)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65541) - you deserved it (2681)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

#15205063
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37440) - you deserved it (2681)

On 03/05/2011 at 5:15am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19540) - you deserved it (2681)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

#19997949
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26691) - you deserved it (2681)

On 08/02/2012 at 4:11am - love - by Kelly - United States (California)

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

#18568632
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29201) - you deserved it (2681)

On 12/21/2011 at 7:39am - misc - by sigh (woman) - United States

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32044) - you deserved it (2681)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

#20959018
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37377) - you deserved it (2681)

On 11/15/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31987) - you deserved it (2680)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to people in the parking lot screaming "everybody wake up". They've been doing this at 7 every morning since I moved in 3 months ago. FML

#18014606
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26028) - you deserved it (2680)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:10am - misc - by Tony - United States

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

#19239512
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18547) - you deserved it (2680)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by hungry - Canada

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21765) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML

#20863675
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37407) - you deserved it (2680)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm - love - by zephyrgk - United States (Illinois)



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