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Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

by mavstrr1764847 / 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

by Megannn / 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 3:21pm / United States / Money

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

by Jammy238 / 02/01/2010 at 12:27am / Animals

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

by vansboy / 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

by Larz / 01/26/2011 at 4:49pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

by spasticock / 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm / Portugal (Setubal) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

by GogglesGoggles / 12/23/2013 at 3:24am / United States / Transportation

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

by itisobviouseinstein / 09/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

by Scabby / 04/11/2012 at 5:53am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health