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Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

by baconrash / 02/22/2010 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

by Brandon / 08/10/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 9:29pm / Italy / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

by epicsandwichartist / 05/05/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML

by StatusSearch / 05/26/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

by poorcar / 10/05/2009 at 3:38am / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

by Goobie / 01/15/2010 at 2:24am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

by ohmydog / 09/05/2010 at 4:14am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

by lambeaster / 01/20/2016 at 9:27am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

by arirx12 / 02/25/2010 at 5:29pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

by vansboy / 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm / Intimacy

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

by Chucho / 09/01/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous