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Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

#5773283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31949) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by PackingSpaceHeat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

#20482339
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32294) - you deserved it (2857)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:48pm - misc - by j_Lauren (woman) - United States

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30136) - you deserved it (2857)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34933) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

#8611277
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28284) - you deserved it (2856)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:58am - misc - by puzzled (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

#10594488
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32855) - you deserved it (2856)

On 05/17/2010 at 7:01pm - love - by Babygirl - Sent from mobile version

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

#14627865
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25993) - you deserved it (2856)

On 01/18/2011 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33090) - you deserved it (2856)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

#19016945
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you deserved it (2856)

On 02/07/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by courtneynaked (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32193) - you deserved it (2856)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States

Today, I was burgled while I was on the toilet. FML

#20402014
133 comments


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