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Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

by skinnyguy23 / 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my dad still refuses to repay the loan I gave him. I've just barely managed to pay my bills, and I'm now so poor that I'll have to survive the next 3 days until my next paycheck by eating the only thing left in my fridge: a jar of cheese whiz. FML

by janused / 02/18/2015 at 12:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

by Braxam / 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Health

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

by anonymous / 06/21/2011 at 7:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

by weneedthatmoneytoliveon / 06/26/2013 at 10:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

by aisbash / 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2010 at 2:34am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

by shygurl434 / 03/15/2010 at 5:14am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

by octoberrain / 10/12/2011 at 11:41am / United States / Animals

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

by anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 6:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

by anonymous2.0 / 10/12/2012 at 2:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm / Puerto Rico / Kids

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

by Crazy cat lady / 04/10/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals