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Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2014 at 10:54am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Money

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

by Larz / 01/26/2011 at 4:49pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

by Sarah / 07/23/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

by I am not amused! / 11/03/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

by numb fingers / 04/15/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

by outofluckdude / 08/31/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2013 at 12:17pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Love

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

by chinatownhobo / 04/08/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Health

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 1:11pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

by get me out of this house! / 03/03/2014 at 1:12am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work