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Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36105) - you deserved it (3138)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I've been unemployed for a year. For the last six months I had been trying for a good paying job at a great company, who kept saying they would hire me when the economy improves. Three weeks ago I gave up and moved 2 hours away. Guess who just called to finally offer me a job. FML

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44462) - you deserved it (3137)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54379) - you deserved it (3137)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss asked me if I could work on Valentine's Day because there was no chance of me having a date. She's right. FML

#8007090
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34264) - you deserved it (3136)

On 02/08/2010 at 9:07am - love - by klala - Reserved

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

#13567439
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24196) - you deserved it (3136)

On 10/23/2010 at 8:50pm - misc - by ugly me - United States (Colorado)

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

#15151790
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31803) - you deserved it (3136)

On 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52357) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

#21355623
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (3136)

On 02/13/2015 at 10:49pm - love - by FMAhole - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

#7243511
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28289) - you deserved it (3135)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm - animals - by targetlove (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22125) - you deserved it (3135)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

#19971025
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29705) - you deserved it (3135)

On 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm - health - by Luna - United States (New York)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44542) - you deserved it (3135)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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