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Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

by epicsandwichartist / 05/05/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

by Sickinbed / 06/07/2011 at 6:27am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

by carobee / 08/24/2013 at 12:25am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

by shitty candles / 12/01/2014 at 2:30am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

by Noname / 02/13/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

by bachelor / 09/26/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

by Theaccident / 01/22/2011 at 5:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

by jada / 01/04/2012 at 6:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

by FML / 12/21/2013 at 11:58am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

by homeless / 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

by ohmydog / 09/05/2010 at 4:14am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm / Love