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Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

by wantontsu / 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm / Health

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

by nico / 07/01/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

by Leenotgay / 09/25/2011 at 12:23am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

by gmd05 / 07/31/2012 at 10:28am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2014 at 10:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

by itisobviouseinstein / 09/29/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

by nevergonnatrust / 11/18/2010 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

by drfrogpepper / 01/01/2011 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

by Caeru / 06/21/2011 at 3:08am / United States (Texas) / Health