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Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37491) - you deserved it (3065)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

#11459471
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43088) - you deserved it (3065)

On 06/25/2010 at 8:30pm - love - by cduttl1230 - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

#18827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29901) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by Cathy - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

#19917183
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (3065)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm - love - by sober (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

#20731460
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49821) - you deserved it (3065)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

#5072563
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (3064)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (3064)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

#20985907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46514) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39039) - you deserved it (3064)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

#16324366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27406) - you deserved it (3063)

On 05/24/2011 at 3:31am - work - by goatvideosarelame (man) - Singapore

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

#18553811
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26577) - you deserved it (3063)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (3063)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)



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