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Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

#17575215
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33355) - you deserved it (3259)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

#19374256
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24923) - you deserved it (3259)

On 03/30/2012 at 1:37am - misc - by rozziepop - United States (California)

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40649) - you deserved it (3259)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

#21260142
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35826) - you deserved it (3259)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by KayEffEh (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36137) - you deserved it (3259)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

#1381561
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48244) - you deserved it (3258)

On 04/27/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

#19781489
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (3258)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:50am - work - by lonelyharts86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

#20769263
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41731) - you deserved it (3258)

On 07/07/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by malicious_melons - United States (California)

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

#20858957
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38243) - you deserved it (3258)

On 08/29/2013 at 6:44am - love - by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (3258)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59811) - you deserved it (3258)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

#21362681
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40640) - you deserved it (3258)

On 02/24/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by xxruby - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48211) - you deserved it (3257)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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