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Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

by extants / 02/11/2010 at 3:13pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

by Ringless / 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

by fuck you / 04/26/2015 at 4:19am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after weeks of searching, I finally found the wedding dress of my dreams. Too bad it was in the form of a download for The Sims. FML

by Anna / 09/29/2015 at 10:58am / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 12:20pm / Romania (Mures) / Work

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

by DENTALITY / 05/23/2015 at 7:06am / Norway / Kids

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

by Chensticles / 10/13/2009 at 9:25pm / Miscellaneous

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

by GeneralElement / 02/19/2010 at 1:32am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

by earths_venus / 07/24/2010 at 3:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

by Username / 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm / Health