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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44318) - you deserved it (3116)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29891) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

#6636501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37090) - you deserved it (3115)

On 12/06/2009 at 5:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

#9123169
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (3115)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:19am - work - by evenpoorer (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

#13700074
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34727) - you deserved it (3115)

On 11/03/2010 at 10:35am - intimacy - by tuppu (woman) - Finland

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

#16640907
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31786) - you deserved it (3115)

On 06/13/2011 at 4:58am - misc - by disgusteddaughter (woman) - Australia

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33003) - you deserved it (3115)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29058) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

#20895601
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36795) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by nicetomeetyou2 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44219) - you deserved it (3115)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

#21259544
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33455) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/16/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

#3462
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (3114)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by Coley - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML



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