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Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

#20089658
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24092) - you deserved it (2818)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

#20164794
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24345) - you deserved it (2818)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

#21273859
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (2818)

On 10/08/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27050) - you deserved it (2823)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

#3922
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26736) - you deserved it (2817)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:37am - work - by RogerReady - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

#12655415
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (2817)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:05am - health - by meowcat101 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

#14095720
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30113) - you deserved it (2817)

On 12/05/2010 at 1:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

#14294130
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27072) - you deserved it (2817)

On 12/22/2010 at 2:54am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

#15001986
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (2817)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

#4548386
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (2816)

On 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by iltdtsm - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

#13230850
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25981) - you deserved it (2816)

On 09/28/2010 at 12:40am - misc - by bibobobonnor (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

#12697631
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26229) - you deserved it (2816)

On 08/23/2010 at 5:03am - health - by concusion - United States (Texas)

Today, I went with my beautiful fiancée to tell her Grandmother, who's a bit senile, that we were engaged. Her response: "I know he's very nice, but think about the chubby little ugly children he'll give you". This was followed by a recollection of her ex-boyfriends who would've fathered attractive kids. FML

#15616826
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (2816)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:33am - misc - by Joe (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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