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Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31133) - you deserved it (2213)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

#7099062
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23286) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/02/2010 at 3:26am - work - by Labelme (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

#8637899
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20552) - you deserved it (2214)

On 02/25/2010 at 11:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

#18123545
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24047) - you deserved it (2213)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

#20008728
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19904) - you deserved it (2213)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:19am - money - by Heinz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

#20450090
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25868) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19209) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

#5719624
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you deserved it (2212)

On 10/08/2009 at 9:31am - money - by wheatsnake (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

#20420365
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23375) - you deserved it (2212)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by CambodianAsshole (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35703) - you deserved it (2212)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

#18754752
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29474) - you deserved it (2211)

On 01/09/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by maruskasommers (woman) - Czech Republic (Pardubicky kraj)

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19248) - you deserved it (2211)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22924) - you deserved it (2211)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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