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Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44433) - you deserved it (2916)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33672) - you deserved it (2916)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66323) - you deserved it (2915)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

#4061190
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (2915)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by mvp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

#14740890
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28507) - you deserved it (2915)

On 01/28/2011 at 6:44am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

#15461657
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22398) - you deserved it (2915)

On 03/24/2011 at 3:29am - work - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

#18304888
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31016) - you deserved it (2915)

On 11/21/2011 at 2:02am - work - by disciplinaryaction (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

#20990443
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33950) - you deserved it (2915)

On 12/12/2013 at 6:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

#21243243
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35803) - you deserved it (2915)

On 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm - misc - by leastitwasntsurpriseanal (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

#1306375
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50833) - you deserved it (2914)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Lo_Bolian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16535) - you deserved it (2914)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21755) - you deserved it (2914)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)



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