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Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

#8611277
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27888) - you deserved it (2828)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:58am - misc - by puzzled (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I had my last orchestra concert and had a large solo. My dad came to watch and record it; however, the whole time he recorded another girl, thinking it was me. FML

#20728759
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43407) - you deserved it (2828)

On 06/16/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

#21245163
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (2828)

On 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by fanaticalfuckspawn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

#4418486
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62296) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:41am - health - by Very_Bad_Luck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

#4251374
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41399) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:04am - misc - by whitneyy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

#8590174
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33815) - you deserved it (2827)

On 02/23/2010 at 3:36pm - misc - by Kay (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

#11821332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37916) - you deserved it (2827)

On 07/12/2010 at 12:31am - health - by Sarah220 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

#18137674
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34599) - you deserved it (2827)

On 11/02/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

#20554927
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32931) - you deserved it (2827)

On 03/22/2013 at 11:42am - health - by wowthanksworld - United States

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

#21255951
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35405) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by no - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

#7974349
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23398) - you deserved it (2826)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:58pm - work - by Ishii (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

#10507279
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31069) - you deserved it (2826)

On 05/13/2010 at 1:51pm - work - by Dfacta (man) - United States (California)



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