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Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (3017)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

#21149559
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40489) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/23/2014 at 8:09pm - misc - by ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

#21291592
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27758) - you deserved it (3016)

On 11/03/2014 at 10:38pm - work - by blondieforlife - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

#8894345
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33588) - you deserved it (3015)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by woopdeedo_1 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36549) - you deserved it (3015)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26616) - you deserved it (3015)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

#21097210
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39636) - you deserved it (3015)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm - animals - by In urgent need of a new roommate - United States (Oregon)

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

#21098658
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36123) - you deserved it (3015)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:11pm - work - by IDIOT (man) - United States

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32731) - you deserved it (3015)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

#5127
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (3014)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Xpresss - United States (California)

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

#1280200
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58174) - you deserved it (3015)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:36am - work - by Idiocracy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

#3503647
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56335) - you deserved it (3014)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by squirt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

#6987202
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21077) - you deserved it (3015)

On 12/28/2009 at 2:30am - animals - by dumbdad (woman) - United States (California)



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