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Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

by crazy cat lady / 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Animals

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

by Atomic_Tangerine / 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

by charliesangel123 / 02/21/2010 at 12:16pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

by JLO / 08/18/2011 at 10:11am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 12:44am / United States / Love

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 2:48pm / Belize (Belize) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

by youngboob / 10/21/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

by dire-rear / 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm / Singapore / Health

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

by CollegeBoy / 04/13/2011 at 9:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous