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Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

by grossedout / 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

by 20singleandproudish / 10/23/2014 at 1:18am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

by Rhea / 10/28/2009 at 7:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

by freezingggg / 09/23/2011 at 10:33am / Reserved / Health

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

by 27161697 / 07/22/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

by hipster glasses / 08/16/2013 at 7:08am / United States / Work

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

by Anon / 03/12/2014 at 8:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

by for shite's sake / 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Transportation

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 8:12am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Intimacy

Today, I drove to my cousin's house so he could help me fix my broken tail light. On the way there, I got pulled over for having a broken tail light. FML

by nozVail / 11/20/2015 at 6:52pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I walked to an interview on my college campus. I got there early. The place was empty. I assumed I wrote the date wrong. Several hours later, a friend who also was interviewed asked me how my interview went. The date, time and location were all right. I don't know how I got lost. FML

by Needamap / 02/25/2016 at 5:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.