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Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

by sammyducks227 / 11/08/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

by Frustrated / 01/02/2014 at 9:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 12:14am / United States / Love

Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML

by me / 08/07/2011 at 3:22am / United States / Holidays

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

by Millian2 / 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

by theuglyfriend / 07/17/2012 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

by wow kid just leave me alone / 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm / United States / Love

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 4:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

by Rhea / 10/28/2009 at 7:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

by freezingggg / 09/23/2011 at 10:33am / Reserved / Health

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

by Forever Alone / 07/03/2013 at 12:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

by single / 10/20/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Love