Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

by marquez_jasmine / 07/21/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

by oh / 12/06/2013 at 4:20pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 10:24am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

by notsoclean / 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

by K. / 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

by Ozomulsion / 09/08/2014 at 1:53am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

by Username / 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2011 at 12:50am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

by NJ <3 / 01/10/2012 at 10:34am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

by I have wood / 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

by RustyRuski / 12/29/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

by wtfguys / 10/13/2014 at 4:17am / United States / Miscellaneous