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Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

#18429716
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43895) - you deserved it (2983)

On 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (2983)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

#20893446
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38857) - you deserved it (2983)

On 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by latter - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

#14604912
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm - misc - by thisisme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

#17959837
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24976) - you deserved it (2982)

On 10/11/2011 at 1:43pm - health - by letmedienow - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

#19026244
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23753) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

#20963305
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45572) - you deserved it (2982)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:31pm - health - by elle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Being a chef of a highly-rated restaurant, I cooked a well-liked dish. Not only did she say no, but commented on how bland and tasteless the meal was. FML

#21311702
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34509) - you deserved it (2982)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:33pm - love - by Sad Chef ;( - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

#21465
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (2981)

On 02/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by NoWedding (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

#37272
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35414) - you deserved it (2981)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by sarahhh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45787) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

#8948216
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34860) - you deserved it (2981)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:13pm - love - by Teeny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

#19299897
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (2981)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:04am - work - by cachucy - United States (Illinois)



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