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Today, I got demoted at my job. Instead of working with patients, they want me to file. The thing is, I'm a volunteer; I work for them for free. FML

by wasted_life / 01/17/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

by nothreat33 / 01/17/2009 at 7:04pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

by wow. / 05/06/2009 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

by bastardchild_01 / 10/17/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

by sobasics / 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm / United States / Work

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

by cantwin / 05/31/2013 at 9:54am / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

by innocent72 / 11/19/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML

by ihatekids / 04/20/2015 at 12:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money