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Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

#19841077
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30436) - you deserved it (3277)

On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

#20505216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42788) - you deserved it (3277)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37431) - you deserved it (3277)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44142) - you deserved it (3276)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

#219945
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62343) - you deserved it (3276)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm - work - by yankeebelle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

#4974639
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44991) - you deserved it (3276)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:07am - money - by overdriven07 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66641) - you deserved it (3276)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

#11808834
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36513) - you deserved it (3276)

On 07/11/2010 at 10:44am - work - by alejandro38 - United States (New York)

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

#13635730
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30213) - you deserved it (3276)

On 10/29/2010 at 4:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

#14234444
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36080) - you deserved it (3276)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

#14234557
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30418) - you deserved it (3276)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:23am - health - by BYUwildchild - United States

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

#15260051
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37591) - you deserved it (3276)

On 03/10/2011 at 6:09am - animals - by Tom -

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" um. what? FML

#779
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (3275)

On 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by wtf - United States (Michigan)



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