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Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

#18587898
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22312) - you deserved it (2804)

On 12/23/2011 at 10:45am - misc - by jriese444 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26780) - you deserved it (2804)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

#3107443
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59200) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:11am - kids - by Al (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24921) - you deserved it (2803)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

#16632330
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39085) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm - animals - by Jenievonteese (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

#16527434
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33529) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/06/2011 at 9:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

#17310535
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31772) - you deserved it (2803)

On 07/30/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by womboman - United States

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

#18868829
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35712) - you deserved it (2803)

On 01/21/2012 at 6:59am - misc - by superficialheart - China

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

#20976643
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46220) - you deserved it (2803)

On 12/01/2013 at 2:42am - work - by JudasThePriest (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

#20999504
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40554) - you deserved it (2803)

On 12/20/2013 at 7:30pm - work - by fuck you, boss (man) - United States

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

#6158191
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29719) - you deserved it (2802)

On 11/04/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by RKE (man) - United States (Virginia)



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