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Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

by queenmeme / 10/08/2014 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

by Laura / 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

by Millian2 / 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

by sammyducks227 / 11/08/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 12:14am / United States / Love

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 2:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

by esk / 05/18/2009 at 4:48am / China (Shanghai) / Health

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

by lalala / 06/14/2011 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

by James / 08/26/2011 at 2:29pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

by awks / 03/31/2014 at 8:43pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

by thedri11 / 05/30/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

by anon / 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Work