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Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

#21291715
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29055) - you deserved it (2908)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

#12990617
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34216) - you deserved it (2906)

On 09/10/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (2906)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally bumped into another car on the road. The worst of the damage was a slight chip to the other driver's paint, but she played it up so much that she ended up being taken away in an ambulance. I'm now terrified that the crazy bitch is going to sue me. FML

#20158993
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25580) - you deserved it (2906)

On 11/11/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by youfuckingslut (man) - United States

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

#20793609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55522) - you deserved it (2906)

On 07/20/2013 at 2:31am - kids - by Happyunlucky (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

#20888617
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42892) - you deserved it (2906)

On 09/20/2013 at 1:52am - misc - by wat - United States (California)

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

#20989169
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37020) - you deserved it (2906)

On 12/11/2013 at 5:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36658) - you deserved it (2906)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31842) - you deserved it (2906)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

#16076129
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38264) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/07/2011 at 7:54am - love - by bigcityfail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

#16608434
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40410) - you deserved it (2906)

On 06/11/2011 at 9:06am - health - by sickbaby (woman) - Singapore

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

#19073869
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18796) - you deserved it (2906)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm - misc - by random - United States

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

#19692417
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24460) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/28/2012 at 5:38am - misc - by Broke (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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