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Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

by elisabeth_pwnes / 03/16/2012 at 6:38am / Norway (Vestfold) / Love

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

by RatFailure / 01/11/2012 at 12:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:54am / United States / Health

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

by dumbass for a flatmate / 03/02/2013 at 9:35pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

by balkangirl94 / 12/23/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

by AwkwardPotato / 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

by author / 02/14/2014 at 9:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

by lectro / 11/24/2008 at 1:08am / Love

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

by goingup? / 02/25/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

by sliceddice / 03/10/2010 at 11:08am / Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn) / Love