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Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm / United States / Animals

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

by moron / 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm / United States / Health

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

by balkangirl94 / 12/23/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

by dumbass for a flatmate / 03/02/2013 at 9:35pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

by lectro / 11/24/2008 at 1:08am / Love

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

by alicemassie / 05/14/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2009 at 2:19am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

by fuuuudge / 08/19/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

by xo007 / 11/04/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

by dumbass / 02/06/2011 at 7:58pm / Love

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

by Riley / 04/09/2011 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Miscellaneous