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Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

by Millian2 / 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

by awks / 03/31/2014 at 8:43pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

by for shite's sake / 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Transportation

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

by Anon_a_mouse / 03/30/2011 at 3:59pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

by SMCHR / 05/08/2011 at 11:22pm / Ireland / Animals

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

by single / 10/20/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Love

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 2:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

by bad date / 06/13/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Money

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

by papersofdivorce / 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm / Peru (Lima) / Love

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

by nothreat33 / 01/17/2009 at 7:04pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

by ClothMom / 12/08/2009 at 2:02am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

by Mirorbo / 06/11/2011 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Work