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Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

by Laptop / 05/25/2010 at 12:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

by dumbass / 02/06/2011 at 7:58pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend's name. FML

by ohmylantis / 05/04/2011 at 10:50am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

by anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 11:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

by Hannahb17 / 08/23/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

by grossedout / 10/31/2014 at 8:39pm / Love

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

by Silverfeathery / 12/01/2014 at 9:06pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:30pm / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Kids

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

by e.middlechild / 06/13/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

by Greig / 05/22/2011 at 8:18am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

by Aaron / 05/14/2009 at 5:23pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous