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Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

#21063588
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (3086)

On 02/17/2014 at 5:41pm - work - by kdubz23 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

#21257049
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39577) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

#21358057
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38909) - you deserved it (3085)

On 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

#6829701
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29666) - you deserved it (3084)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm - money - by heatproblems (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

#21008373
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41095) - you deserved it (3084)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26986) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

#16515847
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42820) - you deserved it (3083)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:20pm - love - by mj - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29090) - you deserved it (3083)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

#21377662
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54) - you deserved it (3085)

On 03/19/2015 at 9:19am - work - by MyPoorEyes (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

#12959841
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28794) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/08/2010 at 4:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

#17688285
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31834) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm - health - by AudraRose - United States

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

#21120676
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42513) - you deserved it (3082)

On 04/23/2014 at 8:43am - misc - by Almost_Homeless - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (3082)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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