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Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

by Sophie / 02/17/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML

by anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 3:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 1:18am / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

by lectro / 11/24/2008 at 1:08am / Love

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2009 at 3:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

by jend / 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

by eewww / 05/06/2011 at 11:47am / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:54am / United States / Health

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry / 08/29/2013 at 6:44am / Love

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

by Jane M / 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals