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Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

#21077397
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34693) - you deserved it (2831)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37933) - you deserved it (2831)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

#18341424
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30868) - you deserved it (2830)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:09pm - intimacy - by vistingherfamily (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

#16960895
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28050) - you deserved it (2830)

On 07/03/2011 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

#20886445
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41747) - you deserved it (2830)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:57am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

#21241662
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40578) - you deserved it (2830)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm - love - by ithinkicanmakeit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58648) - you deserved it (2830)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

#6872316
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (2829)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

#7296803
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18453) - you deserved it (2829)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Upbrakie - United States

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

#15447160
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29530) - you deserved it (2829)

On 03/23/2011 at 10:58am - misc - by jeanstein -

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (2829)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

#19385942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23446) - you deserved it (2829)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35866) - you deserved it (2829)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)



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