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Today, I found out the bed I sleep in is the bed I was conceived in. FML

by Capteen / 04/22/2012 at 8:17am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2012 at 12:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

by why / 07/23/2013 at 9:21am / Miscellaneous

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

by pandabear93 / 09/04/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:47am / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

by kyle / 06/05/2011 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

by mathgenius / 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

by tattooed / 11/30/2010 at 10:50am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

by Ari / 06/16/2011 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, for an eight hour flight to Copenhagen, Denmark, I paid extra to get a seat offering more leg room. Unfortunately, the man behind me was so tall, his knees were pressing against my back the entire flight. FML

by jetlagged / 01/16/2011 at 12:17pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Transportation

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

by exnotwelcome19 / 05/01/2011 at 9:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love