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Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

#21444253
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24403) - you deserved it (3538)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:02pm - health - by Bleach dat Blood (woman) -

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

#379
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41482) - you deserved it (3537)

On 11/24/2008 at 1:08am - love - by lectro - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

#3986456
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59274) - you deserved it (3537)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Inga44 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44323) - you deserved it (3537)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

#12583063
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35991) - you deserved it (3537)

On 08/17/2010 at 1:09pm - misc - by Bruce (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

#20927940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40312) - you deserved it (3537)

On 10/20/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by single (woman) - United States

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

#21273346
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41389) - you deserved it (3537)

On 10/08/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

#21405071
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31787) - you deserved it (3537)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

#20847442
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39244) - you deserved it (3536)

On 08/21/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by verydepressed - Russian Federation (Tomsk)

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

#20949952
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40017) - you deserved it (3536)

On 11/08/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by sammyducks227 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

#21514609
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16877) - you deserved it (3536)

On 01/13/2016 at 2:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

#13263199
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27759) - you deserved it (3535)

On 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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