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Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42887) - you deserved it (3319)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48050) - you deserved it (3318)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

#18084228
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25592) - you deserved it (3318)

On 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm - love - by nekogirl15 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

#19884306
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30435) - you deserved it (3317)

On 07/03/2012 at 2:22am - misc - by Dreamer (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

#21163809
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (3317)

On 06/05/2014 at 11:16am - work - by DarkSerebii (woman) - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

#21315594
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27651) - you deserved it (3317)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by KCHS - United States

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30580) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44418) - you deserved it (3317)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

#1625692
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62870) - you deserved it (3316)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Jess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (3316)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

#13614592
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35594) - you deserved it (3316)

On 10/27/2010 at 1:19pm - love - by just_friends (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I politely asked my friend if she would repay me the £20 she owes me. She shouted at me, called me an insensitive bitch, and refuses to pay me back as apparently she can't afford to. Her holiday to Italy next week begs to differ. FML

#11625118
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30958) - you deserved it (3316)

On 07/03/2010 at 12:15am - misc - by learntmylesson - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

#19824729
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29063) - you deserved it (3316)

On 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm - misc - by tubby (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)



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