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Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

#20807935
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42657) - you deserved it (3133)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52265) - you deserved it (3133)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

#20946616
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35085) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Steiner (man) - United States (New York)

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

#12538079
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28054) - you deserved it (3132)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:05pm - health - by shinee - Singapore

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

#14417379
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22575) - you deserved it (3132)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by Alana - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

#19702811
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28323) - you deserved it (3132)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:25am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44478) - you deserved it (3132)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59949) - you deserved it (3131)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

#4974639
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43319) - you deserved it (3131)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:07am - money - by overdriven07 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

#17281268
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25216) - you deserved it (3131)

On 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by ladytyy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

#19379891
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22227) - you deserved it (3131)

On 03/31/2012 at 12:22am - health - by GetHardOrGoHome - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27866) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22064) - you deserved it (3130)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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