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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

#3332242
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49701) - you deserved it (2854)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by shroomda (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

#4478482
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42755) - you deserved it (2854)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

#13829911
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (2854)

On 11/13/2010 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

#16592399
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33439) - you deserved it (2854)

On 06/10/2011 at 7:40am - misc - by leftbehind (man) - Colombia (Antioquia)

Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML

#18209020
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31605) - you deserved it (2854)

On 11/10/2011 at 9:35am - money - by Agathus (man) - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

#19253707
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (2854)

On 03/10/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by Jimii Liu (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

#20536217
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33744) - you deserved it (2854)

On 03/08/2013 at 8:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37216) - you deserved it (2854)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33619) - you deserved it (2854)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

#70401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61303) - you deserved it (2853)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:59pm - misc - by lalalee (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

#5773283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (2853)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by PackingSpaceHeat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22515) - you deserved it (2853)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

#19327826
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20938) - you deserved it (2853)

On 03/22/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by Chey - United States (California)



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