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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

#21128831
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (3173)

On 05/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by thanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24322) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39110) - you deserved it (3172)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32309) - you deserved it (3172)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

#1861199
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48538) - you deserved it (3171)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Lex (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

#12533834
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29081) - you deserved it (3171)

On 08/15/2010 at 3:23am - health - by sleeplessinID (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I woke up to my kids shaking me, saying, "Get up, Santa was here!" I got up to find my TV, computer and MacBook Air all gone. FML

#14191427
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37832) - you deserved it (3171)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:32pm - kids - by crazycora (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

#14842088
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45394) - you deserved it (3171)

On 02/04/2011 at 6:07pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came down with painful sores in my mouth, just after having gotten over a cold. Apparently I'm allergic to the cough drops I've been eating for the past week to make myself feel better. FML

#15289353
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28114) - you deserved it (3171)

On 03/13/2011 at 12:52am - misc - by Rawrssa (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

#17655744
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32890) - you deserved it (3171)

On 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by haha - United States (California)

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24436) - you deserved it (3171)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

#19201903
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21132) - you deserved it (3171)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22912) - you deserved it (3171)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States



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