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Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (3103)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

#20929825
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40347) - you deserved it (3102)

On 10/22/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

#21338134
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32880) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:49am - love - by SilverZephyr - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

#9123169
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23441) - you deserved it (3101)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:19am - work - by evenpoorer (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22315) - you deserved it (3101)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

#21324827
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29809) - you deserved it (3101)

On 12/26/2014 at 6:06pm - love - by GOAWAY - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out my girlfriend is bulimic. Like that wasn't bad enough, I found out because she spent all of our rent money on food. FML

#21345004
111 comments

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

#21381725
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22880) - you deserved it (3104)

On 03/26/2015 at 4:35am - kids - by sexybelly - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51173) - you deserved it (3100)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

#20632758
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47596) - you deserved it (3100)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

#20729993
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43683) - you deserved it (3100)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by VacationRuined (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

#20895973
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/25/2013 at 7:22pm - work - by Abcporn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39712) - you deserved it (3100)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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