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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

#21098357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42586) - you deserved it (2984)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:42am - work - by ClaustrophobicNightmares - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

#21110266
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40355) - you deserved it (2984)

On 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm - misc - by Cuntlette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52435) - you deserved it (2983)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

#5287985
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53419) - you deserved it (2983)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by dj163 (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

#6230724
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (2983)

On 11/09/2009 at 5:13pm - work - by Failure (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

#13700074
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33247) - you deserved it (2984)

On 11/03/2010 at 10:35am - intimacy - by tuppu (woman) - Finland

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18941) - you deserved it (2983)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33467) - you deserved it (2983)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

#20665269
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40487) - you deserved it (2983)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

#7805682
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37028) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:57am - misc - by Zephyric - United States (California)

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

#14907704
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32278) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/09/2011 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

#19026244
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23711) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53145) - you deserved it (2982)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)



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