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Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43006) - you deserved it (3215)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

#20925456
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38336) - you deserved it (3215)

On 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by DocBastard, meet DocCunt (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

#843077
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80978) - you deserved it (3214)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32724) - you deserved it (3214)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

#20146654
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27736) - you deserved it (3214)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:30am - kids - by PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

#20116235
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21352) - you deserved it (3214)

On 10/14/2012 at 8:43am - love - by lonelygirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

#20163308
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22393) - you deserved it (3214)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44141) - you deserved it (3214)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My bestfriend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

#20864835
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38710) - you deserved it (3214)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

#20956092
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54512) - you deserved it (3214)

On 11/13/2013 at 6:08am - kids - by little_star78 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

#15968
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49562) - you deserved it (3213)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm - intimacy - by ADT (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

#4644829
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67493) - you deserved it (3213)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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