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Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

by O__o / 12/09/2011 at 1:43am / United States / Transportation

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2012 at 7:29am / United States / Health

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

by WHOO HOO AIDS / 06/01/2013 at 2:52pm / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

by .... / 12/23/2013 at 9:48pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

by girlie5445 / 02/13/2010 at 3:49am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

by Rehab / 02/11/2010 at 2:58pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

by widow / 10/19/2010 at 6:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

by single lady / 08/15/2011 at 10:45am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

by Irreverend / 07/23/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

by lex31 / 02/14/2010 at 8:24am / United States / Animals