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Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

by shwasted / 02/22/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 5:51am / United States / Love

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

by jobless / 07/09/2014 at 1:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

by dazedandconfused / 06/25/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Harrow) / Work

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

by ugly / 07/24/2011 at 10:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

by veiny / 04/21/2015 at 9:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

by BananaCoconutty / 05/16/2015 at 12:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

by omgn00blolz89 / 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

by greeenbean / 10/02/2009 at 6:41am / Samoa / Miscellaneous