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Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

#14544910
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24141) - you deserved it (3031)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

#15133250
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (3031)

On 02/27/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

#15149295
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35770) - you deserved it (3031)

On 02/28/2011 at 6:21am - love - by misswhiskers (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

#15879930
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32239) - you deserved it (3031)

On 04/21/2011 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

#20167650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21699) - you deserved it (3031)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:45am - love - by jasmith - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32197) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58061) - you deserved it (3030)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

#6316849
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by redisnotmycolor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

#13498191
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

#16003860
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34236) - you deserved it (3031)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:31pm - money - by me - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (3030)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

#19255616
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32111) - you deserved it (3030)

On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)



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