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Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

#21397356
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28035) - you deserved it (3222)

On 04/21/2015 at 9:48am - love - by veiny - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48049) - you deserved it (3221)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

#19994302
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22126) - you deserved it (3221)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:28am - misc - by gmd05 (woman) - United States

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

#21315591
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27524) - you deserved it (3221)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm - kids - by MedStudent90 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

#12858373
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32431) - you deserved it (3220)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:11pm - misc - by Forded (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40449) - you deserved it (3219)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

#7256679
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45589) - you deserved it (3219)

On 01/10/2010 at 11:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

#19636097
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16705) - you deserved it (3219)

On 05/17/2012 at 8:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

#20883979
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41248) - you deserved it (3219)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:03pm - misc - by zachadams - United States (New York)

Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

#2593216
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70977) - you deserved it (3218)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:11am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

#4618484
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61554) - you deserved it (3218)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

#10748228
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26376) - you deserved it (3218)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:44am - misc - by Laptop - Sent from mobile version



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