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Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27346) - you deserved it (3228)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

#6436745
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41472) - you deserved it (3227)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by bmonehh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

#14824101
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29137) - you deserved it (3227)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by vikingunicorn (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

#20080326
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12920) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/20/2012 at 2:10am - work - by Albert (man) - United States

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

#20951207
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45375) - you deserved it (3227)

On 11/09/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Falling off the wagon - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41526) - you deserved it (3227)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

#21300656
68 comments

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

#1694606
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57955) - you deserved it (3226)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by wow. (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

#7925125
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32813) - you deserved it (3226)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:27am - animals - by btg - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

#13079046
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34479) - you deserved it (3226)

On 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm - love - by ccblock (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

#11866175
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37396) - you deserved it (3226)

On 07/14/2010 at 1:08am - love - by Depressed (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

#18354788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/26/2011 at 7:18am - work - by taternuts - Canada



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