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Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

#19276990
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25006) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

#21298452
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41626) - you deserved it (3040)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

#21333974
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38605) - you deserved it (3040)

On 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41255) - you deserved it (3039)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70498) - you deserved it (3039)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

#13389421
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (3039)

On 10/10/2010 at 4:45am - misc - by toazt - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

#14086848
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28073) - you deserved it (3039)

On 12/04/2010 at 7:08pm - money - by unemployable (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

#19255616
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32228) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

#19557308
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27546) - you deserved it (3039)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

#19260782
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24570) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by me (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

#20802186
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37181) - you deserved it (3039)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by how (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48242) - you deserved it (3039)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

#21310909
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (3039)

On 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by crazy cat lady - United Kingdom (Coventry)



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