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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

#18310525
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35007) - you deserved it (2904)

On 11/21/2011 at 7:35pm - misc - by damnedbydurberg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37027) - you deserved it (2904)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68626) - you deserved it (2903)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70327) - you deserved it (2903)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

#18314926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26938) - you deserved it (2903)

On 11/22/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by Charles Pennington (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23810) - you deserved it (2903)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

#20958782
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32742) - you deserved it (2903)

On 11/15/2013 at 3:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML

#5462375
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38073) - you deserved it (2902)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:33am - misc - by stupidpolicia (woman) - Brazil (Distrito Federal)

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

#14847489
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/05/2011 at 12:58am - misc - by ohhhjaymo13 - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

#19073869
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18767) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm - misc - by random - United States

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

#20793609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55490) - you deserved it (2902)

On 07/20/2013 at 2:31am - kids - by Happyunlucky (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16461) - you deserved it (2901)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

#15817809
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29678) - you deserved it (2901)

On 04/17/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by wellhellothere (woman) - United States (Michigan)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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