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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it was my birthday. I got ONE birthday greeting: from my bank, telling me they were closing my account. FML

#14785892
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31088) - you deserved it (3183)

On 01/31/2011 at 8:55am - misc - by Micawber - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46462) - you deserved it (3183)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

#5387422
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33507) - you deserved it (3182)

On 09/21/2009 at 1:31am - misc - by issy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

#7324506
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22310) - you deserved it (3182)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by Eli (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

#13728645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (3182)

On 11/05/2010 at 6:02pm - work - by Username - France

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24151) - you deserved it (3182)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

#21006901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34251) - you deserved it (3182)

On 12/27/2013 at 1:40am - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

#21297662
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42792) - you deserved it (3182)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

#6441819
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36499) - you deserved it (3181)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:57am - love - by whatthewhat? - United States

Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73480) - you deserved it (3180)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38547) - you deserved it (3180)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49716) - you deserved it (3180)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)



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