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Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

#8712450
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/28/2010 at 5:51am - money - by unsurprised (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20112) - you deserved it (2322)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

#17838179
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (2322)

On 09/26/2011 at 9:01am - love - by xOdaatx - Australia

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13948) - you deserved it (2322)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

#4463
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54708) - you deserved it (2321)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Jack - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19933) - you deserved it (2321)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

#18788616
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23482) - you deserved it (2320)

On 01/12/2012 at 7:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

#19561558
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20618) - you deserved it (2320)

On 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm - animals - by Monkeyless (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35580) - you deserved it (2320)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

#2960234
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34667) - you deserved it (2319)

On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

#3722390
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38571) - you deserved it (2319)

On 07/13/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by jennybrev (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

#5443541
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35724) - you deserved it (2319)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:05am - love - by Sir Smokalot - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

#6445574
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33650) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by B_McG - Canada (British Columbia)



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