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Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

by kerdersty / 05/29/2011 at 11:27pm / Canada / Health

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

by jingle / 05/25/2012 at 7:18am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:35am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

by KalaKa / 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm / United States / Love

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

by eamiller / 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

by witchybaby89 / 05/25/2015 at 10:50pm / United States / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 8:14am / United Kingdom / Money

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

by devinbyrne / 03/05/2011 at 3:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

by ABBenzin / 02/01/2012 at 11:11am / United States / Work

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

by fatface / 04/13/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

by JTo / 03/03/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Love