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Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

#1094822
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69039) - you deserved it (3567)

On 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm - health - by crapgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

#14227030
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32280) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm - love - by expassword (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

#16067039
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37094) - you deserved it (3567)

On 05/06/2011 at 11:47am - misc - by eewww (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

#18943395
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27465) - you deserved it (3567)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41460) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38971) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

#21512109
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (3567)

On 01/06/2016 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonycock (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

#13008973
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28416) - you deserved it (3566)

On 09/11/2010 at 8:39pm - love - by fmlimoverit - United States (Ohio)

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

#14549373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41781) - you deserved it (3566)

On 01/11/2011 at 11:04pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57623) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)



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