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Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

#17787359
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36425) - you deserved it (2777)

On 09/20/2011 at 10:56am - work - by PC Jones (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML

#19913171
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27039) - you deserved it (2777)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by wetandnaked (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

#3675667
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44401) - you deserved it (2776)

On 07/11/2009 at 8:33pm - work - by cashier (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

#5959994
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32821) - you deserved it (2776)

On 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by iross (man) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

#8767827
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29563) - you deserved it (2776)

On 03/02/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by Celeste - Singapore

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

#16675458
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28052) - you deserved it (2776)

On 06/15/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by random - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

#17668711
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (2776)

On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20994) - you deserved it (2776)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

#5772733
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34777) - you deserved it (2775)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:25am - love - by hateparents (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

#5539154
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32466) - you deserved it (2775)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm - work - by justfired (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

#7257345
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31097) - you deserved it (2775)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:17pm - kids - by Amber (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML

#17232023
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24499) - you deserved it (2775)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by Norah (woman) - United States



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