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Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML
Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML
Friday 12 December 2014