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Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17372) - you deserved it (2923)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

#10779310
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (2923)

On 05/26/2010 at 4:13pm - love - by Sarahfizzeller - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

#14476476
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (2923)

On 01/05/2011 at 5:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

#20903481
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43564) - you deserved it (2923)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44029) - you deserved it (2923)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

#20957404
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31208) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/14/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43468) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

#18155
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (2922)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by TGIkaty - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

#13496771
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27573) - you deserved it (2922)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23am - love - by sugar - United States (Texas)

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

#17351481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38973) - you deserved it (2922)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:01am - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

#18329245
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42478) - you deserved it (2922)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

#19598679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (2922)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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