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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

#18671764
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35207) - you deserved it (2975)

On 01/01/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by tooearly (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23339) - you deserved it (2976)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19206) - you deserved it (2976)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41683) - you deserved it (2976)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

#13094289
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27349) - you deserved it (2975)

On 09/18/2010 at 1:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

#18986736
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33281) - you deserved it (2976)

On 02/03/2012 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by B (man) - United States

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30336) - you deserved it (2974)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

#21083808
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (2974)

On 03/11/2014 at 3:21am - misc - by why me? (man) - United States (California)

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

#761
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19806) - you deserved it (2973)

On 12/30/2008 at 6:16am - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

#21465
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32150) - you deserved it (2973)

On 02/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by NoWedding (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

#37272
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35344) - you deserved it (2973)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by sarahhh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

#17930849
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24035) - you deserved it (2973)

On 10/07/2011 at 9:23pm - work - by Lucas79 - Australia



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