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Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37138) - you deserved it (2846)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

#3601601
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49528) - you deserved it (2845)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:49am - misc - by frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

#7158571
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (2845)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:18am - work - by Himynameisjacob (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

#13071256
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28391) - you deserved it (2845)

On 09/16/2010 at 5:04am - misc - by itchybollos - Australia

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24338) - you deserved it (2845)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32946) - you deserved it (2845)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

#19820234
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (2845)

On 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34745) - you deserved it (2845)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

#16862
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36201) - you deserved it (2844)

On 02/09/2009 at 2:51am - intimacy - by V (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

#6435138
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28582) - you deserved it (2844)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08am - love - by Yes (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

#3491271
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34034) - you deserved it (2844)

On 07/04/2009 at 10:40pm - love - by Single4Life (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

#19668555
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

#581
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29135) - you deserved it (2843)

On 12/23/2008 at 11:11pm - love - by Lililaloose - Sent from mobile version



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