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Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

#18943395
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27674) - you deserved it (3586)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

#21491812
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26142) - you deserved it (3586)

On 11/12/2015 at 7:00pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

#5054381
148 comments

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

#6224810
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (3585)

On 11/09/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was out of the house, my 6 year old brother stole my new waterproof camera, dunked it into the toilet holding onto the wrist strap, and flushed repeatedly to see if it lived up to its "waterproof promise." It didn't. FML

#14023437
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28818) - you deserved it (3585)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:02pm - misc - by fmylife. - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

#20881272
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43124) - you deserved it (3585)

On 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32252) - you deserved it (3585)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26417) - you deserved it (3584)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

#13688045
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27212) - you deserved it (3584)

On 11/02/2010 at 1:20pm - work - by speechless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

#20771105
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (3584)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:26pm - animals - by Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

#20799167
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47543) - you deserved it (3584)

On 07/23/2013 at 9:21am - misc - by why (man) -

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

#21305878
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31156) - you deserved it (3584)

On 11/25/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by drreeeewwww - United States (Kentucky)



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