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Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

#14398309
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24685) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/30/2010 at 5:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

#18898417
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34683) - you deserved it (2989)

On 01/24/2012 at 12:31pm - love - by Allergic (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

#20611376
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38155) - you deserved it (2989)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:27pm - misc - by Ellwood - United States

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

#20999250
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39659) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29120) - you deserved it (2989)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33563) - you deserved it (2988)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

#7564644
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28786) - you deserved it (2988)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:18am - kids - by shitface (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

#13124550
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32525) - you deserved it (2988)

On 09/20/2010 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Thomas - United States (Oregon)

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

#16129629
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30303) - you deserved it (2988)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:51pm - work - by jamalinho (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

#18545148
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (2988)

On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

#20678301
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46857) - you deserved it (2988)

On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45154) - you deserved it (2988)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

#3657185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37383) - you deserved it (2987)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by mellbelle32 (woman) - United States (California)



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