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Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

by crushed / 09/29/2011 at 10:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

by work -_- / 04/22/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

by jfc, how just how / 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

by fucked / 03/14/2014 at 3:40pm / Canada / Work

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

by KayyElOh94 / 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm / United States / Kids

Today, I realised that my boyfriend gets a boner every time I cry. FML

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

by danesy / 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

by ScarredEars / 08/12/2010 at 8:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

by SickandTired / 03/22/2011 at 12:59pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

by SadGuy / 04/26/2011 at 2:18am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2016 at 5:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Work