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Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

#18898417
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34674) - you deserved it (2988)

On 01/24/2012 at 12:31pm - love - by Allergic (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

#20678301
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46857) - you deserved it (2988)

On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44349) - you deserved it (2988)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

#21255855
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29116) - you deserved it (2988)

On 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by skinnyguy23 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

#3657185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37382) - you deserved it (2988)

On 07/11/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by mellbelle32 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

#2323618
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50545) - you deserved it (2987)

On 05/26/2009 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19687) - you deserved it (2987)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47819) - you deserved it (2987)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

#13300598
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21588) - you deserved it (2987)

On 10/03/2010 at 5:35am - animals - by andrea99 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45146) - you deserved it (2987)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

#16062957
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32370) - you deserved it (2986)

On 05/05/2011 at 11:41pm - money - by MrFerret -

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

#17172362
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (2986)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by KidCudi227 - United States (Arizona)

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

#17266001
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36805) - you deserved it (2986)

On 07/26/2011 at 9:35am - misc - by ceetee - Australia (New South Wales)



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