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Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (2945)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

#6678775
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (2945)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:33am - animals - by amywee (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML

#17826204
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24776) - you deserved it (2945)

On 09/25/2011 at 12:17am - work - by ouch. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

#15504213
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33008) - you deserved it (2944)

On 03/26/2011 at 9:28pm - money - by fml - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

#18032391
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34768) - you deserved it (2944)

On 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm - love - by cmd102 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

#19917183
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27609) - you deserved it (2944)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm - love - by sober (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

#17715893
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36703) - you deserved it (2943)

On 09/11/2011 at 12:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20842) - you deserved it (2943)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

#20696326
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44735) - you deserved it (2943)

On 05/30/2013 at 10:35pm - work - by heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30177) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

#6258074
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34397) - you deserved it (2942)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

#12889600
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm - health - by insomniac (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

#14583588
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20514) - you deserved it (2942)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm - animals - by inchetogb - United States (Kentucky)



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