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Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

#20863302
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40356) - you deserved it (3380)

On 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm - work - by aisbash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44002) - you deserved it (3380)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39346) - you deserved it (3380)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41480) - you deserved it (3380)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

#21381783
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39265) - you deserved it (3380)

On 03/26/2015 at 9:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54240) - you deserved it (3379)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51048) - you deserved it (3379)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML

#6215205
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26489) - you deserved it (3379)

On 11/08/2009 at 5:38pm - health - by Elizabeh (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51687) - you deserved it (3379)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

#14954664
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22758) - you deserved it (3378)

On 02/13/2011 at 3:36am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34864) - you deserved it (3378)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

#20657611
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52769) - you deserved it (3378)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by Baikal - Singapore



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