Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

by notgay / 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband of 19 years took our children out for dinner, told them he's gay, then sent them home to tell me for him. FML

by trifioso / 01/08/2011 at 8:56am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

by facepalm / 09/12/2011 at 4:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

by NotTheSoulMate / 09/26/2013 at 2:54am / United States / Love

Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML

by Lemonhead / 07/21/2009 at 11:19am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

by catguy / 08/19/2009 at 5:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

by unemployed-dude / 12/08/2015 at 1:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

by walker / 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

by nekogirl15 / 10/26/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

by smurftastic / 09/02/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (California) / Work