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Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41204) - you deserved it (3026)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

#21066140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42075) - you deserved it (3026)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:27am - work - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37535) - you deserved it (3026)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (3026)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29113) - you deserved it (3025)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

#16807488
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (3025)

On 06/22/2011 at 11:00pm - love - by arekusa - United States (New York)

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

#19211891
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (3025)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36223) - you deserved it (3025)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

#12389070
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27734) - you deserved it (3024)

On 08/08/2010 at 10:52am - work - by XxDanno316xX - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23875) - you deserved it (3024)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

#20003299
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22909) - you deserved it (3024)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:23am - health - by wut (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57991) - you deserved it (3023)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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