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Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

by yikes / 04/21/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Animals

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Money

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

by all by myself / 04/14/2014 at 7:34pm / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

by the-yao / 01/24/2009 at 9:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

by eamiller / 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

by veiny / 04/21/2015 at 9:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

by JTo / 03/03/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me for a chick I shared a hospital room with for 2 months. I introduced them. FML

by anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 2:11am / Canada / Love