Choose the period

Sunday 1 May 2016

Choose a category

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

by Drew / 04/25/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had be stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

by Jjay08 / 04/26/2016 at 5:17pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

by kaleighf / 04/27/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

by DeathbyWording / 04/29/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, my mother showed me a picture of a dog in need of a home. Excitedly, I asked if we were getting it, having wanted one for a few months now. She said, 'No. I'm not even sure why I showed you." FML

by AnnaMuffin / 04/26/2016 at 6:08pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Animals

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the first time. Also, for the first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

by Bittersweet / 04/29/2016 at 12:19pm / Transportation

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

by Sting / 04/26/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, it was my second day at my new job as a bank teller. I got locked in the vault while alarms were being tested. I was in there for an hour and none of my coworkers had even noticed that I'd gone missing. Gee, thanks. FML

by heymacie / 04/28/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

by brandogg / 04/29/2016 at 8:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

by Michael978 / 04/28/2016 at 11:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

by nonnie31 / 04/25/2016 at 3:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health