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Sunday 1 June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23149) - you deserved it (38951)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21158) - you deserved it (37858)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46373) - you deserved it (27757)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

#21163432
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35348) - you deserved it (16419)

On 06/05/2014 at 12:11am - health - by fat and alone - United States (Alabama)

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

#21154900
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43385) - you deserved it (16172)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm - misc - by chevygirl51 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

#21161395
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41549) - you deserved it (15565)

On 06/03/2014 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

#21166210
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37449) - you deserved it (13300)

On 06/07/2014 at 3:16pm - work - by fstfckd (man) - United States

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

#21165912
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42495) - you deserved it (13029)

On 06/07/2014 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - Australia

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

#21159630
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42697) - you deserved it (11192)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:15pm - work - by ugh - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I deliberately didn't tell my therapist half of what I was going through because I didn't want to depress her. FML

#21153742
109 comments

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41399) - you deserved it (9631)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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