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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21210) - you deserved it (56132)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22066) - you deserved it (47361)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35926) - you deserved it (40409)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42067) - you deserved it (21857)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49058) - you deserved it (21589)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49261) - you deserved it (20064)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52503) - you deserved it (18562)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32138) - you deserved it (17033)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52022) - you deserved it (16572)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (15691)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34898) - you deserved it (14847)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29585) - you deserved it (14794)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45108) - you deserved it (14699) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France



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